My situation SeXStoRY

Someone had emailed me a question asking me if my wife knew about my desire for her to be with black men. I get that question a lot so I figured I would post the response that I sent to him. It pretty much explains where I'm at and my situation. Yeah She has an idea. Years ago I actually convinced her to have sex with another man. I had never really thought about her having sex with a black man. We had two experiences before that where on one of my friends and I had sex with her (mfm) and had a lot of fun. She just happened to be attracted to a black guy at her work. I wasn't thrilled about him working with her but was willing to take what I could get. I convinced her to seduce him and he came to the house one night and she had sex with him. He had no idea but I watched them through the window. She began talking to him pretty regularly and started becoming emotionally attached to him. After they had sex a second time, with the same setup of me outside watching, Her feelings towards him grew stronger and she was talking to him a lot without me knowing. I became jealous and told her that I wanted it to stop. This made her very angry because all of the stuff that she had done with my friend and the guy at work was really out of character for her. She didn't want to do it but I pushed and pushed and finally convinced her to. Then she ended up enjoying it more than she ever thought that she would and I wanted her to stop all of it. We nearly got divorced over it and basically our marriage went through 6 months of hell. During which she swore that from then on we would have a "traditional" marriage and she would never do anything like that again. That was about 6 years ago and when it all started our marriage was pretty much on shaky ground to start with. Now she is on a somewhat "religious" kick. As crazy as it seems I haven't stopped thinking about it for the past two years though. Now all I think about is her going black again. I only watch ir porn now. After seeing the big black guy from work her over like he did. I can't get it out of my mind and have basically been obessed with the thought of it. I hate myself for fucking it up. I would do anything to have that situation come up again. I have told her during sex and what not. I've bought her black dildos and an I love BBC thong but she isn't to crazy about it and will rarely get into it. Due to the circumstances it's a really touchy subject and I don't believe that there is any way that I could sit down and have a serious talk with her about it. Sorry that this was so long and drawn out.