When Billy became my full time lover part two SeXStoRY

We met on many occasions ,but never often enough for my liking .I wanted to be with him constantly but soon realised he wasn't ready for that kind of relationship.I was always at the end of the phone and always ready to play ,it's what he wanted ,even then what he wanted he got .When I was with him we not only had sex ..........he introduced me to the art of being submissive lol ......but we chatted for hours.Out of the domineering role he played he was gentle caring and just very special.I of course couldn't tell him this ,I kept theses thoughts to myself ,I was so scared that he wouldn't want me if I told him .It was obvious we wanted different things when he told me he wanted to play with other people as well,and he wanted to do that with me.....I was gutted!i thought I had for filled everything that a man could wantb,I thought I would be enough. My head was all over the place,I told him straight away that wasn't what I wanted and I really could not share,to me sharing was an insult on me ,I wasn't good enough and the sex wasn't enough for him,I tried to play along ,even trying to agree to going to a club together,but it didn't happen I couldn't bring myself to play that game ....it was hurtful to me ,I truly did not understand . We met on occasions after that for sex and my god it was good and if you look in my vids you can see the sexual attraction between us . I would do anything he desired I actually would have married him there and then if he had letme,lol,but of course I never said..... It hurt deeply but over time I couldn't cope anymore ,I loved him,he didn't love me back,even though when we were together we awesome we connected ,he wasn't aware of it i don't think or maybe he didn't want hat he really couldn't let me get to close. Every now and again I would get a text,inside I knew I should say no,but I couldn't ,he just sent shivers down my spine ,I wanted him I need that touch ,no matter how hard he spanked me ,no matter if he ignored me via msn ,it didn't mattering wanted him and I would just have to wait. Yes I got low ,very low infact ,so low I became Iill . It's hard to describe that pain you feel in the pit of your stomach when you realise you aren't going to be with the one person you want to spend your life with,the many texts you keep on your phone,every good word that he said to you keep going back to on your phone ...you scroll down and find the words which you keep to make you feel special. Then when you are hurting and your looking for a shoulder,he sends you a text....wow you scroll to his highlighted name and pow!!!! It's a fucking joke .........then another bl**dy joke lol ,it might help but I never understood most of them lol....but I played along,what else could I do ? Maybe it was time I got real I thought,I really couldn't cope with the one sided love anymore ,it was no good I would have to change,I would have yo let go .....maybe just have sex on my terms,there was no doubt,he was fucking good but maybe I should go it alo e and discover what he swinging world was all about.....but on my terms and on my own....... To be continued "..................