How To Make Love To A Woman - Big Poppa E SeXStoRY

f i had a son, and he came to me as a young man for advice about sex… this is probably what i would tell him. l) buy condoms. buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them, and use them every time. the peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. condoms are sexy. in fact, call buying condoms foreplay. footnote: if you’re too embarrassed to buy condoms, you’re not ready to have sex. 2) kissing is not merely foreplay. spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. believe me, dry humping rocks. 3) sex is not just about friction; it’s about emotion. don’t worry about trying to find her clitoris, find her heart, then she’ll help you find her clitoris. 4) if you really want to know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. then do that. a lot. if she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together. 5) don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. footnote: try a pinkie finger; it’s kinda awesome. 6) when you go down on her — and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it! — tell her how good she tastes. stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes, and do the same when she goes down on you. 7) a simple google search yields l,347 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. if guys spent less time jackin’ off and more time jillin’ off, the world would be a happier place. 8) everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie star wars. your partner’s body is the death star, and you are luke skywalker piloting your penis-shaped x-wing fighter deep inside her trench. remember, 70 percent of all death stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. it must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench, otherwise any explosions you experience will be merely hollywood special effects. 9) just because you’ve cum doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare cum before her. concentrate on pleasing on your partner. don’t worry about getting yours. you’re a guy… you always get yours. your job is to make sure she’s getting hers. l0) if sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love… you are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. shame on you! go back to step one! you have a lot of learning to do! love, dad. p.s. if you are gay, son, know that i love you and am proud of you for telling me about it. i don’t know anything about boys, but i am sure we can figure something out together. © 2009, www.bigpoppae.com